Big, kind mare

Update: January 31st, 2013. Another big thank you to all who have sent me words of kindness and encouragement in the past months. There are so many things that I learned from Belle, not the least of which I now know is this: in life, there is love and there is loss, but love is stronger. Belle will never be truly gone as long as she lives in the hearts of those she left behind.\n\nVery sadly, I also said goodbye to Belle's aged mother, Tory, in September. It was her time and another Canadian winter did not bode well for her. She is buried under the apple tree with Belle's ashes. Suffice to say that 2012 was a very, very hard year.\n\nAnother thing I have found is that the Primal Will is indeed a primal will toward good, and in July fate brought me Gem. She is a 17.2 Irish Draught mare and she is "A Real Gem", now RID with a bronze premium in jumping. She is a good girl, and I am daring to love again, slowly. I'm going to leave this posted for a while yet in the hope that if there is anyone out there who is facing great loss, this story might give them some comfort. The tears don't go away, but they are only testaments. Love is stronger than loss.\n______________________________________\n\nUpdate: May 17th. Thank you to all who have responded with words of encouragement, support, and leads. Monday would have been Belle's 13th birthday. I am still looking, but many of the horses that spark my interest are sold before I see their ad. Please don't forget about me if you have something special coming up for sale in the near future.\n______________________________________\n\nHello. This is very difficult for me to get out, so please bear with me.\n\nI had a beautiful 17.2hh Clydesdale/Sport horse mare. To say I love her just doesn't seem like enough... I broke the sac the day she was born, let my life revolve around her for 13 years, and she was the loveliest girl in so, so many ways. We rode dressage mainly, with lots of hacking, (she was cool as a cucumber alone or in company, and she never, ever once bucked, reared, kicked... not even as a youngster.) Traffic was never a worry. She was the "anchor horse" when I was out hacking with friends.... if their horses acted up, she was the rock. We were just starting to jump. I'm not a natural there (despite now 40 years of riding experience, my quality lessons were always dressage lessons -- with the rest just forcing me over higher and higher with no real instruction), so at approaching 50 years of age 3' seems plenty big enough to me. Belle had no experience either but she kept me safe. If I was worried coming in or off balance on a landing, she knew it and would just keep me safe. I couldn't even lose a stirrup on her without her checking to make sure I was still aboard. She even helped me ride out and "count cattle" on the farm. \n\nWe drove a high-wheeled cart and would go visit the folks at the Old Age home in town. She doted on the attention. She met me every day at the mailbox, and ran to the gate to get a bit of loving. No treats required - just rub her belly. She loved people and despite her great size, she was soft and light. She was trustworthy, and oh so kind. I bred her to a wonderful Irish Draft with the dream of having that part of her forever, for always. But the foal came with its head bent one way, front legs pinned backwards to the other direction, ears first. We rushed Belle to the Vet College 1.5 hours away only to lose both foal and her too. So now I am hurting a lot. I just built a beautiful stable with an indoor arena dedicated to this dream and need to find a way to go on, hoping to find at least a bit of what I had. Big, kind, safe, loving, people oriented. A mare -- not for breeding necessarily, but I have always enjoyed my mares. And I do treasure ever moment of raising Belle and I'm not sure I want to entirely give up that dream of having a foal again, one to keep forever. I'm not sure if I could ever look at another big bay without crying. I am very tall and leggy and although I have ridden horses that are smaller, all the horses I have ever really enjoyed have been over 17 hands (Belle was 17.2, and my joy before her was a 17.3 Percheron/Oldenberg cross.) I like/want a gentle giant under me.\n\nSo, now you know. I live in Canada but what is distance really in comparison to finding the right one? I need the right match because I have never sold anything. I'm one of those crazy fools who gets attached -- or maybe one of the lucky ones who is given some truly remarkable horses in her life. But my Belle was far and away the closest, my girl, my "soul friend". My hope is that if I put this message out there, someone might help me connect with something really special.